ON CHAIRS

A chair walked into a bar and bartender said, "What will it be?"
The chair said, "I'll have a seat, please."
And the bartender sat down.
Satisfied, the chair left.



"How many chairs does it take to change a light bulb?"
"I don't know."
"Two.  One chair on the floor, and the other to stand on it to change the bulb."




"Why did the chair cross the road?"
"Why?"
"Someone needed a seat on the other side."

A chair went to the dentist and the dentist said,"What are you doing here?  You have no teeth."
And the chair said, "Thanks.  I thought so, but I wanted to be sure."

Do chairs ever get sore backs?

Here are the words

Of a chair to a tree,

"As I am now,

Soon you will be."

"Hey!" screamed the bartender.  "Can I stand up now?  This blog is over."

HALLOWEEN? THAT'S NOT FUNNY

 

"What do they give out at brothels for Halloween?"

"What?"

"Tricks only because the trick is the treat."

"Why did the pumpkin cross the road?"

"Why?"

"It didn't.  Pumpkins don't have legs."

A pumpkin walked into a bar and the bartender said, "How did you get in here?  Pumpkins don't  have legs,"

But the pumpkin couldn't answer because pumpkins can't talk.  And the pumpkin couldn't order a drink because pumpkins can't talk.  So the pumpkin sat there for a bit, and then got up and walked out.  And the bartender made a mental note not to do drugs anymore.

 

I want to dress up as an honest politician, but I can't find a costume.

For Halloween, will Hillary Clinton dress up as a woman?

For Halloween, will Donald Trump dress up as a gentleman? 

Would I have to wear a costume if I dressed up as a jerk?

Is it true that Halloween was started by The International Association of Dentists?

"Are you sure your dentist's new method will whiten our teeth?"

HOW I MET ELBOWEATER ON HALLOWEEN

Never mind what you've heard about Halloween beginning as the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain.    Halloween was started by a bunch of out-of-work dentists.

I made the mistake of trick-or-treating at a cannibal's house.  He said his name was Elboweater.  He offered me some Ladyfingers and invited me in.  Elboweater's guests had just finished playing  Pin The Kale On The Honkey.   Elboweater's wife, Deltoidsucker, offered me a Toasted Danish, French Fries, and some Chinese food.  The Chinese food looked the same, but the Toasted Danish and French Fries looked like -- well  -- uh --    Let's just say I lost my appetite. 

I did not like the way Elboweater, Deltoidsucker and their guests were looking at me.   I felt like a piece of candy in the middle of a table surrounded by children.  I overheard some of the guests talking about getting  me to go into the hot tub alone.   I decided to leave just as they were about to play  Bobbing for A Paul.

I threw the Ladyfingers and my other treats away.   I won't need to see a dentist for a while.