UNCLASSIFIED ADS

CAR FOR SALE:  2013 Ford Dodge 4 Door Blue. Great Condition!  Like new only it is not new.  Asking $1,000,000.00, but willing to take less.  Call . . . 


ANTIQUES FOR SALE:  Glass Jewellery Furniture China and Russia.   Call . . .


HANDYMAN:   Minor renovations.  Minor electrical and plumbing repairs.  Major full body massage.  Call . . . 


WANTED:   Punctuation for busy downtown paragraph.  Experience not necessary.  Excellent salary and benefits.  References required.  Apply . . . 


APARTMENT FOR RENT:  Two bedroom unfurnished apartment for rent in quiet noisy neighborhood.  Close to public transit, shopping, and eternity.  Available immediately.  Rent - $1,000,000.00 per month, but willing to take less.  Call . . . 


COMPANION WANTED:  Single funny funny bone seeks single funny elbow for long-term relationship.  Elbow must enjoy bending and have an arm and a body attached.   Call . . .  

HOW I MET ELBOWEATER ON HALLOWEEN

Never mind what you've heard about Halloween beginning as the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain.    Halloween was started by a bunch of out-of-work dentists.

I made the mistake of trick-or-treating at a cannibal's house.  He said his name was Elboweater.  He offered me some Ladyfingers and invited me in.  Elboweater's guests had just finished playing  Pin The Kale On The Honkey.   Elboweater's wife, Deltoidsucker, offered me a Toasted Danish, French Fries, and some Chinese food.  The Chinese food looked the same, but the Toasted Danish and French Fries looked like -- well  -- uh --    Let's just say I lost my appetite. 

I did not like the way Elboweater, Deltoidsucker and their guests were looking at me.   I felt like a piece of candy in the middle of a table surrounded by children.  I overheard some of the guests talking about getting  me to go into the hot tub alone.   I decided to leave just as they were about to play  Bobbing for A Paul.

I threw the Ladyfingers and my other treats away.   I won't need to see a dentist for a while.