The Liar
The Liar never tells the truth. That is why he or she is called The Liar. You won't know what to believe if you live with The Liar.
The Dumper
The Dumper always begins a conversation with, "We need to talk."
But it's not a conversation, and you never get a chance to talk. The Dumper dumps and dumps and dumps, and you always feel drained after The Dumper has finished dumping.
The Slob
You will have no doubts whether you are living with The Slob. Living with The Slob means that occasionally your apartment goes missing under stuff, trash, and more stuff.
The Zombie
Living with The Zombie isn't all that bad -- especially if you like quiet. The two things you have to worry about are the smell of rotting flesh, and whether your roommate will want to nibble on your brain.
The Asshole
Sometimes it is hard to tell whether your roommate is an asshole. Look for these two signs:
1 - The Asshole is not a nice person.
2 - Assholes always use toilet paper to clean themselves.
God
Hectic! Having God as your roommate will be hectic. He or she will be busy all the time running the Universe. Don't expect to get any sleep. Also, what options do you have if God is short one month, and not able to give you his or her share of the rent?
CAR FOR SALE: 2013 Ford Dodge 4 Door Blue. Great Condition! Like new only it is not new. Asking $1,000,000.00, but willing to take less. Call . . .
ANTIQUES FOR SALE: Glass Jewellery Furniture China and Russia. Call . . .
HANDYMAN: Minor renovations. Minor electrical and plumbing repairs. Major full body massage. Call . . .
WANTED: Punctuation for busy downtown paragraph. Experience not necessary. Excellent salary and benefits. References required. Apply . . .
APARTMENT FOR RENT: Two bedroom unfurnished apartment for rent in quiet noisy neighborhood. Close to public transit, shopping, and eternity. Available immediately. Rent - $1,000,000.00 per month, but willing to take less. Call . . .
COMPANION WANTED: Single funny funny bone seeks single funny elbow for long-term relationship. Elbow must enjoy bending and have an arm and a body attached. Call . . .
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I'm going through another phase."
"It's that time of the month, and I feel bloated, full."
"I'm happy most of the time, but every so often I'm blue."
"I'm going to start charging that man rent."
"Whew! I love it when they wax my crescent!"
"Moonday is my favorite day."
"Wow! Look at that tide! Will it go out with me?"
"I think I'll start a club for lunatics"
"Hey Diddle Diddle, there were no cow patties after the cow
jumped over me!"
"Damn that Neil Armstrong! He thinks he can walk all over me."
"I'd love to know what those wolves are howling at."
