ALL ABOUT MUD

Does mud have a bad name because God used it to make humans?



Does mud ever take a bath?




Is there mud on other planets?



A man bought a car made of mud.  It was good on gas and never broke down.
"How much did your mud car cost?" asked his friend.
And the man said, "Oh, I got it dirt cheap."




"Why did the mud cross the road?"
"Why?"
"It was stuck on some kids' boots."




If a tree falls in the mud, and no one is there to see it, does the tree still get dirty?




"How can you tell when mud is dirty?"
"How?"
"It uses dirty words."

ADS THAT MAKE ME THINK . . .

What's with the picture?  Would you go to a business where the sales people greeted you like this?

Does this mean that they are going to beat you up if you don't buy a Hyundai?

 Tony Bennett will give a concert to raise money for JAZZFM.91.  Tickets are what?  A $1000.00 each?  I don't like Tony Bennett THAT much.

Canada Blooms is a flower show.
See Dad Become A Mum?
Do people go to flower shows to watch sex-change operations?
 

FUNNY BONE SWIFTIES

Normally the following would be called Tom Swifties, but they're in my blog.  So there!

"I hate it when people ignore me," said The Invisible Man transparently.

"I love words!" said Diction arily.

"I'm tired," said the car all-seasonally 

"I'm afraid of the dark," said Thomas Edison lightly.

"I love you!" said the narcissist mirrorly.


"I made an error," said Miss Takenly.


"Sometimes I am not funny," said Gary Johnston truly.


"It's time to stop," said The End finally.

UNCLASSIFIED ADS

CAR FOR SALE:  2013 Ford Dodge 4 Door Blue. Great Condition!  Like new only it is not new.  Asking $1,000,000.00, but willing to take less.  Call . . . 


ANTIQUES FOR SALE:  Glass Jewellery Furniture China and Russia.   Call . . .


HANDYMAN:   Minor renovations.  Minor electrical and plumbing repairs.  Major full body massage.  Call . . . 


WANTED:   Punctuation for busy downtown paragraph.  Experience not necessary.  Excellent salary and benefits.  References required.  Apply . . . 


APARTMENT FOR RENT:  Two bedroom unfurnished apartment for rent in quiet noisy neighborhood.  Close to public transit, shopping, and eternity.  Available immediately.  Rent - $1,000,000.00 per month, but willing to take less.  Call . . . 


COMPANION WANTED:  Single funny funny bone seeks single funny elbow for long-term relationship.  Elbow must enjoy bending and have an arm and a body attached.   Call . . .  

IF WHAT THEY SAY IN ADS WERE TRUE

If what they say in ads were true, then there are all kinds of people and businesses out there whose only goal is to save me money.  They are not interested in making money for themselves.  They are only interested in saving ME money.  Of course, I may have to give them some of my money in order for them to save it for me.  That's a minor detail.

If what they say in ads were true, then the car I drive, the soap I use, the deodorant I use, the toothpaste and mouthwash I use -- even the gum I chew will get me sex.   Wow, it's that simple!  No more lonely nights!

If what they say in ads were true, then using a certain laundry soap will keep me happy all the time because my clothes are clean and  smell clean. And using certain household cleaners will also make me happy because with little or no effort, they keep my house clean and smelling clean.

If what they say in ads were true, then the food I eat will keep me happy and healthy and stop me from gaining weight. 

If what they say in ads were true  . . .  It's a wonderful world! 

"Oh God! Where did I park my car?"

HEADLINE YOU MAY NEVER SEE . . .

CAR DIES AFTER HITTING PEDESTRIAN