Showing posts with label funny bone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny bone. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

JOB DESCRIPTIONS




ADDICTIONS COUNSELOR  Counsels people on how to become addicted to coffee, cigarettes, alcohol and other drugs.



LAWYER - Practises law and sometimes gets it right.



PHOTOGRAPHER - Takes pictures, but returns them once he or she gets caught.



IMMIGRATION OFFICER - Examines applications for immigration, citizenship and visas and lets everybody in anyway.



POLICE OFFICER - Protects people and property by handing out tickets.



FUNNY BONE TECHNICIAN - Attempts to service the funny bone by writing silly blogs.  

Saturday, July 25, 2015

CROSSING THE ROAD


(Behind George Harrison, but out of frame, was the fifth Beatle -- a chicken.)


Q:  Why did the road cross the road?
A:  To get even with the road that once had crossed it.


Q:  Why did the surrealist painter cross the road?
A:  To Dali to the other side.


Q:  Why did Salvadore Dali cross the road?
A:  To get away from a pesty surrealist painter.    


Q:  Why did the poem cross the road?
A:  To sing nice rhymes with a toad.


Q:  Why did the toad cross the road?
A:  It got tired of hanging out with walking poems.


Q:  Why did Donald Trump cross the road?
A:  To offend people on the other side.


Q:  Why did the block cross the road?
A:  To find itself a writer.


Q:  Why did the writer cross the road?
A:  To get more experience for his novel.  (Ha!  Bet you thought it was to get away from the block.)


Q:  Why did The Beatles cross the road?
A:  To pose for an album cover.


Q:  Why did the funny bone technician cross the road?
A:  He had nothing better to do after finishing his blog.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

UNCLASSIFIED ADS


CAR FOR SALE:  2013 Ford Dodge 4 Door Blue. Great Condition!  Like new only it is not new.  Asking $1,000,000.00, but willing to take less.  Call . . . 


ANTIQUES FOR SALE:  Glass Jewellery Furniture China and Russia.   Call . . .


HANDYMAN:   Minor renovations.  Minor electrical and plumbing repairs.  Major full body massage.  Call . . . 


WANTED:   Punctuation for busy downtown paragraph.  Experience not necessary.  Excellent salary and benefits.  References required.  Apply . . . 


APARTMENT FOR RENT:  Two bedroom unfurnished apartment for rent in quiet noisy neighborhood.  Close to public transit, shopping, and eternity.  Available immediately.  Rent - $1,000,000.00 per month, but willing to take less.  Call . . . 


COMPANION WANTED:  Single funny funny bone seeks single funny elbow for long-term relationship.  Elbow must enjoy bending and have an arm and a body attached.   Call . . .