ON NUMBERS

Do numbers count on each other?

"Why did zero cross the road?"

"I don't know.  Why?"

"To go nowhere."

How come zero is something when it comes to the weather, but nothing when it comes to a bank account?

"How many light bulbs does it take to change a number?"

"How many?"

"One, but the bulb has to be able to count."

Number 1 walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"

And Number 1 said, "I'll have a zero, please."

The bartender served Number 1 a zero.  Number 1 drank it and said, "Ahhh, that's good!  Now I feel like a ten."

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Eight."

"Eight who?"

"I didn't eat anyone."

"What happened when Number 3 gained weight?"

"What?"

"It became Number 8."

How come my feet aren't 12 inches?

"I have nothing more to say," said zero.

FUN WITH NUMBERS AND A DECIMAL POINT

A decimal point and a period walk into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"
The decimal point says, "I'll have a fraction of a beer, please."
"And you?" says the bartender to the period.
"Nothing," says the period.  "I'm at the end of this joke."


Do numbers count on each other?


"I have $100.00 and I spend $100.00.  How much money do I have left?"
"None."
"Wrong.  I still have a credit card."


Zero walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"
And Zero says, "Nothing."
The bartender brings Zero nothing, Zero drinks it and then leaves without paying.  
Another customer sees this and says to the bartender, "You're going to let Zero leave after not paying for a drink of nothing?"
The bartender looks at the customer and says slowly, "Think about what you are asking."


Famous words of Hamlet:  "Two be, or not two be both equal X.  Y is that?"
 


Salvador Dali, the famous mathematician, once asked:

  "If 2 + 2 = 4, then Y is this THE END?"

STUPID JOKES WITH NUMBERS

Number 7 walks into a bar.
"What will it be?" asks the bartender.
"I'll have a Number 3, please."
The bartender brings Number 7 a Number 3.  Number 7 drinks it, pays and leaves as Number 10.


"I haven't paid taxes in years," says Number 9.
"How do you manage that?" asks 15 percent.
"Whenever the tax people come looking for me, I stand on my head.  They think I'm Number 6 and leave."


Number 8 was laughing and laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks Number 6.
"Look at Number 13,"  says Number 8.  "It's an odd number with a double-bubble belly!"


Poor Number 4!  He can't figure out why golfers keep calling him.


Q:  Why did Number 3 cross the road?
A:  It thought it was a chicken.


Q:  Why did Number 2 cross the road?
A:  To get to a toilet on the other side.


Q:  Why did Number 1 cross the road?
A:  It was bored and decided to follow 2 and 3.

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Two."

"Two who?"

"How nice you're glad I'm here.  Where's the toilet?"

The E--

"Hey Mr. Funny Bone Technician!  Don't end yet.  How about a joke about me, Number 5?  You got jokes for every other number, in this blog, except me.  You must be fair and put me a joke."

"Sorry, Number 5, but nothing comes to mind."

"Nothing comes to mind?  It's not fair!  It's not fair!" shouts Number 5 and storms off.

Number 5 walks into a bar.

"Why do depressed?" asks the bartender.

"That Funny Bone guy put all the other numbers in a joke, in his blog, except me."

"Sorry to hear that," says the bartender.  "What can I get you?"

"Can you bring me a joke, please?"

"Sure, no problem," says the bartender.

The bartender makes Number 5 a joke.  Number 5 drinks it, pays, and leaves laughing. 

I THINK THEREFORE I THINK

Do I have too much time to think about things?  I want to make sure I use all the skills I learned at The Prince Hamlet School of Thinking.

Can a life coach help a rut that is stuck in a rut?  What if a rut stuck in a rut is supposed to be stuck in a rut?  What it being stuck in a rut is a rut's purpose in life?  Could a life coach could ruin it for a rut stuck in a rut?

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Cleanliness is next to Godliness?  How do we know this when we can see clean, but can't see God?  How does cleanliness being next to Godliness make dirt feel?  Left out?  Dirt matters.  Could cleanliness be next to Godliness if it wasn't for dirt?

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Can we always count on numbers?

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Who invented the question?

SOME SENTENCES IN SEARCH OF A LAUGH

I saw a tree today.  It just stood there.  I watched it for a bit, and then I walked away.

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If all is One, then why are there other numbers?

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Is it true that writer's block is the anatomical name for an author's head?

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"Where are wee?" asked the man with the large prostate.

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Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will eventually charge them with stalking.

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                                   WATCH YOUR STEP
               (How do we know which step is ours to watch?)

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 "The unexamined head is not worth living in," said the voice.

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     I had to move out!  I could not stand living with myself.

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 I am Eth.

The Lord gives me.

The Lord takes me away.

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                 Where is the lawyer who offers free will?

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THE OTHER NIGHT . . .