RANDOM TIDBITS

"It's our goal to get inside someone's head and stay there," said the rocks.

They seemed like nice rocks.  I would have offered them my head, but it is already full of voices, bananas and half a brain.

***

If I take myself with me wherever I go, then how come I am not charged for two seats on an airplane?  

***

WANTED:  Suicide bombers for terrorist organization.  Previous experience an asset, but not necessary.  Excellent starting salary with benefits.  Apply . . . 

***

Whenever I go into a room, I always find myself near a floor, wall, or ceiling.  Is this a coincidence? 

When I go outside, especially during the day, I am surrounded by natural light.  This can't be another coincidence.  It has to be by Intelligent design. 

***

Why would people be flattered to have the wing of a hospital named after them?  Hospitals are where people are sick and die.

Some may say, "But people get well in hospitals, too."

This is true, but when you hear that a loved one is in the hospital, your first thought isn't, "Oh wonderful!  He or she must be getting better."

***

"Are you sure that there is no room for us in your head?" asked the rocks.  "You seem like such a nice guy."

"Thank you,"  I said.  "Yes, I am sure.  There would be room if the voices in my head moved out, but that's not likely to happen.  The voices signed a lifetime lease, and they're not about to break it.  Good luck at finding some head."

 

AM I ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE MIRROR?

"How did you meet your wife?" asks one germ   to another.
"Oh," says the other germ, "we met in a              hospital."
  

 

BIRTHDAYS AND BIRTH CERITFICATES

I was born on my birthday.  Funny how that worked out.  It works out that way for most people, but there are some people who were not born on their birthdays.  For some reason their birth certificates have a different date than the day they were born.

Many years ago, friends of mine decided to have their daughter at home.  No hospital.  No doctor.  They used a midwife. 

After their daughter was born, they went to the government to register their daughter's birth.  The government refused to accept the registration, and issue a birth certificate, because their daughter was not born in a hospital under the supervision of a doctor.  Essentially the government told my friends that their daughter was never born because she was not born in a hospital under the supervision of a doctor.

I have often wondered why trees, birds, animals, insects, etc., do not have birth certificates.  Now I know.   It is because they were not born in a hospital under the supervision of a doctor.

 

WHAT IF . . . .

What if circles were square?  How would square balls bounce?  What would jockstraps look like?

What if Hamlet wrote William Shakespeare?  Would William Shakespeare  be or not be a good play?

What if J.K. Rowling smoked hairy pot?

What if revolving doors sang "Come on baby light my fire" over and over and over again?

What if a hospital got sick?  Where would it go?

What if the Law of Gravity fell?  Would it break?

What if dogs loved to hang around fly poop?  Would fire hydrants be jealous?

What if low prices took drugs?  Would they get high?

What if you were not reading this?