ADVERTISEMENTS YOU WILL NOT SEE . . .

BACK BY UNPOPULAR DEMAND - THE BIRD FLU AND THE EBOLA VIRUS TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST TIME!

Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get infected by not one virus, but two at the same time.  Think of the sympathy you will receive not to mention a stronger immune system if you survive . . . 

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EARTH FOR SALE

Asking 2 Trillion Gazillion Dollars*

• 196,939,900 square miles
• Lots of parking space
• Easy access to the Moon
• Comes with its own atmosphere  
• Close to other planets

*Price includes 7 billion human beings plus all the other earthlings

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ORGANIC POISON FOR SALE

Murderers poison your victims in a healthy way . . . 

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FRESH BLOOD SALE
AT
HELLIONS 'R' US
666 Incubus Way
(Open 7 Days a week from sunset to sunrise)

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HALF A BRAIN FOR SALE
In mint condition
Rarely used
Two Cents or Best Offer
Call . . . 

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THE END FOR SALE
No reasonable offer refused

 

RANDOM TIDBITS

"It's our goal to get inside someone's head and stay there," said the rocks.

They seemed like nice rocks.  I would have offered them my head, but it is already full of voices, bananas and half a brain.

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If I take myself with me wherever I go, then how come I am not charged for two seats on an airplane?  

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WANTED:  Suicide bombers for terrorist organization.  Previous experience an asset, but not necessary.  Excellent starting salary with benefits.  Apply . . . 

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Whenever I go into a room, I always find myself near a floor, wall, or ceiling.  Is this a coincidence? 

When I go outside, especially during the day, I am surrounded by natural light.  This can't be another coincidence.  It has to be by Intelligent design. 

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Why would people be flattered to have the wing of a hospital named after them?  Hospitals are where people are sick and die.

Some may say, "But people get well in hospitals, too."

This is true, but when you hear that a loved one is in the hospital, your first thought isn't, "Oh wonderful!  He or she must be getting better."

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"Are you sure that there is no room for us in your head?" asked the rocks.  "You seem like such a nice guy."

"Thank you,"  I said.  "Yes, I am sure.  There would be room if the voices in my head moved out, but that's not likely to happen.  The voices signed a lifetime lease, and they're not about to break it.  Good luck at finding some head."