ADVERTISEMENTS YOU WILL NOT SEE . . .

BACK BY UNPOPULAR DEMAND - THE BIRD FLU AND THE EBOLA VIRUS TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST TIME!

Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get infected by not one virus, but two at the same time.  Think of the sympathy you will receive not to mention a stronger immune system if you survive . . . 

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EARTH FOR SALE

Asking 2 Trillion Gazillion Dollars*

• 196,939,900 square miles
• Lots of parking space
• Easy access to the Moon
• Comes with its own atmosphere  
• Close to other planets

*Price includes 7 billion human beings plus all the other earthlings

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ORGANIC POISON FOR SALE

Murderers poison your victims in a healthy way . . . 

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FRESH BLOOD SALE
AT
HELLIONS 'R' US
666 Incubus Way
(Open 7 Days a week from sunset to sunrise)

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HALF A BRAIN FOR SALE
In mint condition
Rarely used
Two Cents or Best Offer
Call . . . 

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THE END FOR SALE
No reasonable offer refused