ON FRUITCAKES

A fruitcake walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Wow! I've had priests, rabbis, ministers, salesmen, etc., walk into my bar, but never a fruitcake."
And the fruitcake said, "Are you sure that none of them were fruitcakes?"



"Why did the fruitcake cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To nut and spice on the other side."
"I don't get it."
"That's okay, neither do I."



"How many fruitcakes does it take to change a light bulb?"
"I don't know.  How many?"
"One, but it makes itself invisible first."
"Why?"
"Because fruitcakes are considerate and know how shocked people would be of they saw fruitcakes changing light bulbs."

The bartender said, "So fruitcake, what will it be?"

But before the fruitcake answered, it looked at its cell phone's text message.

"Important?" asked the bartender.

"Yes," said the fruitcake.  "I'll be right back.  I gotta go to change a light bulb."

And the fruitcake disappeared.

WHAT DO CLOUDS THINK?

Thoughts of various clouds:

Is water 100% wet?

I'm getting fat and puffy.  Should I cut back on my water vapor?

Will Donald Clump become president of the United Skies?

They should charge pilots with trespassing!

I believe in the holy words of The Cloudel.  The sky would be a better place if every cloud read and followed The Cloudel.

What happens after we disperse?

Frank O'Grady has a lot of nerve going to Earth.  Our place is in the sky.

I had it a minute ago!  Where the hell did I put my silver lining?

THE PRESIDENT OF CANADA PLEDGES ALLEGIANCE

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
 (Picture Courtesy of CBC)