SOME RELIGIOUS QUESTIONS . . .

How did Adam and Eve survive without a tv and the Internet?

What did they do for amusement besides talk to snakes and eat apples?

How much rent did God charge them before he evicted them?  

Does being evicted by God ruin your reputation forever?

Did Samson really run a club for people who hate barbers?

Did anyone on Noah's Ark have allergies?  

Did Lot's wife ever have a relationship with Dr. Pepper?

If the Lord is my Shepherd, then will he use me to make a sweater? 

Does the Golden Rule change with the price of gold?

CALL ME CRAZY IF YOU WANT . . .

Call me crazy if you want, but I swear I saw Osama bin Laden, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis Presley having a coffee at a Starbucks. (I wanted to ask Osama for his birth certificate, but lost my courage.)

Call me crazy if you want, but pink elephants own all the liquor stores.

Call me crazy if you want, but cannibals stole Walt Disney's  frozen body and used it to invent a new ice-cream flavor: anti-Semite.

Call me crazy if you want, but somewhere on this planet is an Area 52.

Call me crazy if you want, but Michael Jackson did not die.  He went into hiding to practise tiddlywinks, and one day plans to emerge as the world champion.

Call me crazy if you want, but I am considering a proposal from Serpent Real Estate.  They are selling a garden with an apple tree. Should I buy it?

Call me crazy if you want, but I am looking for an honest politician.

Call me crazy if you want, but I joined The National Plunger Society.  Now the only block in my life is the one I live on.

Call me crazy if you want, but aliens abducted me; whizzed me around the Universe while showing me my future: taxes, death and more taxes.  Then they dropped me off at a Starbucks.

Call me crazy if you want . . .