Here's What I Think:

I think salt and pepper shakers should come with instructions.

I think poop should go to prison for stinking.

I think Mother Nature should get married before it's too late.

I think airplanes should be furry for no reason in particular.

I think someone should invent car and house keys that come to you when you call them.

I think deaf people should get free admission to concerts.

I think a house fire should stop itself before it causes any damage.

I think clouds should have skin to help them keep their shapes.

I think bombs should fall asleep before they explode and never wake up.

I think God should sell the pen he used to write The Bible.

I think God should use the money, from the sale of his pen, to buy personalities for people who do not have them.

I think we should be able to send our excess body weight on permanent vacations.

I think monkeys should stop making wrenches.

I think there should be more bears in advertising.

I think I will stop thinking now and go back to work.

VACANT MIND FOR SALE

Death is a once in a lifetime opportunity. (I can't wait.)


Need more incentive?  Try taking cocaine.


I have used my line of credit to tie myself up in debt. 


Want a successful business?  Try selling drugs.


Knowledge is power. (But it cannot replace electricity.)


Is masturbation self-serve sex?


I want to make money, but making money is illegal.


Is thinking easier than you think?

 

ENOUGH ABOUT ME . . . LET'S TALK ABOUT ME

I am Gary Johnston of Toronto -- not to be confused with Gary Johnston of Toronto.  Except for the hair, eyes, nose, mouth and skin color, I look like Brad Pitt.  

From the time I was little, as far back as I can remember, I always thought, "When I grow up, I want to be bigger."

My hobbies are thinking, thinking about thinking, and thinking about thinking about thinking.  I also enjoy finding the sadness in everyday life.  It is a wasted day if I have not cried at least once.

I was married for several years.  I married because I was in love.  The marriage did not work out.  If I marry again, then it will be for money.  

My political beliefs lie between Peter Pan and Wyatt Earp.

As for my religious beliefs, I wonder whether God believes in me.  If She does, then She has a funny way of showing it.

There is only one thing I hope to do before I die: return my library books.   I do not want overdue fines hanging over my head for Eternity?