It's been 25 years since I left my marriage for sanity. Is there anything I miss about my marriage?
I miss the arguments. My life is dull now that I live in peace and quiet.
Along with the arguments, I miss not being wrong.
I miss not being told what to do. Some days I'm afraid to get out of bed because I don't know what to wear, what to eat, and how to spend my day.
I miss having my wife save me money by spending it.
"We saved $5.00! The lamp was regularly $30.00, but we got it for $25.00."
"We didn't save money; we spent less."
"No. No. We saved $5.00."
Of course she was right.
Sex? I missed it while being married. My wife had a lot of headaches. Perhaps I caused them. Who knows?
Do I miss sex now? No. Everyday someone tells me, "Fuck off!" Perhaps I do cause headaches.
1 - Never get into a heated argument with fire.
2 - Marry when you are tired of having sex and no good for anything else.
3 - Wear earplugs to keep the wind from blowing through your head.
4 - Never slaughter a cow while wearing good clothes.
5 - To keep Death Notices easy to read, make sure you die in alphabetical order.
6 - Never let your cat out you live near a Chinese restaurant.
7 - Never buy a losing lottery ticket.
I am Gary Johnston of Toronto -- not to be confused with Gary Johnston of Toronto. Except for the hair, eyes, nose, mouth and skin color, I look like Brad Pitt.
From the time I was little, as far back as I can remember, I always thought, "When I grow up, I want to be bigger."
My hobbies are thinking, thinking about thinking, and thinking about thinking about thinking. I also enjoy finding the sadness in everyday life. It is a wasted day if I have not cried at least once.
I was married for several years. I married because I was in love. The marriage did not work out. If I marry again, then it will be for money.
My political beliefs lie between Peter Pan and Wyatt Earp.
As for my religious beliefs, I wonder whether God believes in me. If She does, then She has a funny way of showing it.
There is only one thing I hope to do before I die: return my library books. I do not want overdue fines hanging over my head for Eternity?
It's been 25 years since I left my marriage for sanity. Is there anything I miss about my marriage?
