TERMITE PORN

Humans are not the only ones who enjoy pornography.  Termites love porn, too.

Here are snippets of dialogue from some porn movies for termites: 


"Ooooh!  You have such lovely wood!  You better not give me any splinters."

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"Hey baby!  Wanna suck on a log?"

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"C'mon, baby, we'll have a threesome with you, me and this board."

* 

"All he gave you were toothpicks?"   

*

"Sand it!  Sand it!  Ooooo baby, sand it!  Oh yeah!  Nice and smooth!  Ohh baby!  Sand it!"

*

"You coulda picked a piece of wood without any knots in it!"

*

"How would you like me to cover you with sawdust, and then lick it off?"

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"Yes, I'd like to buy some aftershave lotion that smells like trees."

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"Hey baby!  Wanna get hot with some wooden matches?"

*

"Did you hear about Tina?"

"No, what?"

"She did the whole forest!"

"Wow!  Better stay away from her.  She could have DED."  (Dutch Elm Disease) 

*

"Hey, let's spend the night in a lumber yard!"

   

 

      

THINGS I NEVER WANT TO CATCH

I never want to catch an elephant going through menopause.  And I never want to catch menopause either.  I like my body temperature just the way it is, and the weather creates enough havoc with my moods, thank you very much.

I never want to catch a politician being honest, or not wasting taxpayers' money.  What would I have to complain about if this ever happened?

I never want to catch Dutch Elm disease.  I avoid having sex with trees for that reason.

I never want to catch the disease that makes you write silly blogs that are never long enough. 

MORE RANDOM THOUGHTS ON PAPER (ACTUALLY THEY ARE ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN)

The maple tree in my backyard joined Trees Against Lumberjacks (TAL).  A lot barking goes on at TAL meetings.  I was invited to attend a meeting.  I am not a tree, but at the time I was invited I had dutch elm disease.  They invited me several times, but I wood not go.  Some of my best friends are lumberjacks, and I know some crackerjacks, too.



Why is tourism down in Iraq and Afghanistan?


  
I once heard an avocado scream "Guacamole!" at a food blender.  

Time to go.  I'm off to improve the air quality in my head.