THINGS I NEVER WANT TO CATCH

I never want to catch an elephant going through menopause.  And I never want to catch menopause either.  I like my body temperature just the way it is, and the weather creates enough havoc with my moods, thank you very much.

I never want to catch a politician being honest, or not wasting taxpayers' money.  What would I have to complain about if this ever happened?

I never want to catch Dutch Elm disease.  I avoid having sex with trees for that reason.

I never want to catch the disease that makes you write silly blogs that are never long enough.