Not All About Charles Darwin

"Why did Charles Darwin cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To evolve on the other side."


"How many Charles Darwins does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"One, but he will take millions and millions of years to do it."


Charles Darwin walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And Charles Darwin said, "A Brass Monkey, of course."
"So, you want a drink with dark rum, vodka and orange juice?" asked the bartender.
"You just said that for the people who didn't know that a Brass Monkey was a drink," said Charles Darwin.
"You're right," said the bartender.


Charles Darwin once dated an ape, but it didn't last.  As their relationship evolved, she moved on.


Mrs. Charles Darwin shouting through the door to her husband's study, "Charlie!  Stop monkeying around in there and come out and cut the grass."


"Why did the monkey cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To watch Charles Darwin cut the grass."

"What is Charles Darwin's favorite food?"

"I dunno."

"It's the same as The Flash's favorite food."

"Which is?"

"Fast food."
"Ha. You really didn't have a joke with Charles Darwin's favorite food so you used The Flash."
"You're onto me.  It's hard coming up with jokes not all about Charles Darwin because he hasn't spoken to me since he died in 1882."
"Is he angry with you?"
"I don't think so.  After he died, his priorities changed.  Giving me material was not one of them."

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Charles."

"Charles who?"

"Charles Darwin."

"Yeah?  What do you want?"

"I want to know why I ended up in this blog. I've been dead since 1882."

"How should I know?  I don't even know why I'm here.  At least you were alive once.  I've never been alive.  I've always been some words with quotation marks." 
"Be patient, some words with quotation marks, evolution is a slow process."

THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD . . .

I know a suicide bomber--well I knew a suicide bomber.  He hated his working conditions and was barely surviving on his poor salary; so he took his own life.  What a tragedy!  The government should do more to prevent suicide bombers from killing themselves.

***

Poor Charles Darwin is rolling in his grave.  What has the government done lately for evolution?  What has the government done for evolution at all?  Evolution has stopped.  When was the last time a fish walked on land, or a monkey evolved into a man?  The government should do more to help evolution to keep evolving.

***   

To many people are dying from natural causes.  The government should do more to stop this.

***

Finally, why can't the government come up with laws to prevent bad speling?

 

FAMOUS QUESTIONS OF . . .

Albert Einstein -  "What does E equal?  My relatives?"


Charles Dickens -  "Can two cities have a tale?


A Chair -  "Is there more to life than getting ass all day?"


Abraham Lincoln - "Can a house stand when divided?"


Isaac Newton -  "Is an apple a day causing my headaches?"


Ludwig van Beethoven - "What?"


Charles Darwin - "Am I a monkey's uncle?"


Ernest End - "Am I The End of this blog?"