Showing posts with label pencil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pencil. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

WALKING INTO BARS



A man with his foot in his mouth hops into a bar.  The bartender says, "What will it be Mr. Trump?"


A pencil walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"
The pencil says, "I'll have a blank piece of paper, please."
"I serve drinks here," says the bartender.  "You can't  drink a piece of paper."
"Please bring me a blank piece of paper.  I'll pay you for it."
The bartender shrugs his shoulders, leaves and then returns with a blank piece of paper.  The pencil drinks it in one gulp.
"Wow!" says the bartender.  "I've never seen anyone drink a piece of paper."
And the pencil says as it pays and starts to leave, "Anything is possible in this blog."


An elephant walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"
The elephant says, "I forget."
The bartender leaves and returns with a piece of paper.  The elephant drinks it, pays and leaves.
"The pencil was right," thinks the bartender. "Anything is possible in this blog."


A blog reader walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"
The blog reader says, "I'd like a laugh, please."
"I'm sorry," says the bartender, "but we don't have any laughs in this blog today.  Would you like a piece of paper?"
"No thanks," you say as you leave.

Monday, July 6, 2015

FAMOUS WORDS OF . . .



A Cigarette:  "My nicotine is fighting with my hydrogen cyanide over which one should kill the person smoking me.  Why can't they cooperate and make it a joint effort?"





A Pencil:  "I want to lead my lead to writing."




A Hat:  "I am trying to get ahead."




A Baseball Bat:  "I'm having a ball!"




A Bank in Greece:  "How much money can I make selling pencils?"




A Butt:  "Is this ending appropriate?"

Sunday, September 7, 2014

HEARING THINGS

I swear on the wart on my grandmother's nose that I heard the following words come from the following things:

A stain said, "Don't be a washout."

Some mud asked, "Where's the stick?"

Over and over an apology said, "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  I'm so so sorry."

A pencil said to me, "You got it write!"  (Or was it, "You got it.  Write!")

My cell phone occasionally says to me, "Ring!  Ring!  Ring!"   I'm not sure what that means.

Some days my blog says to me, "Are you scraping the bottom of the barrel?"   I think I know what that means.