Stupid Floor Jokes

A floor walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And the floor said, "Can you give me a minute? I'm still adjusting to walking and talking and being in a joke."


"Why did the floor cross the road?"
"Why?"
"Bad builders."


"How many floors does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"Only one, but the light bulb has to be on a low ceiling so the floor can reach it."


One floor to another: "Do people really get anywhere by walking all over us?"

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Floor."

"Floor who?"

"Floor better or floor worse, floor richer or floor poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death us do part."

"I see. Sorry I asked."

I've seen a computer on a floor, but never a floor on a computer.

"So, have you decided what you want?" said the bartender.

"Yes," said the floor. "I'll have a glass of beer, please."

When the bartender brought the floor a glass of beer, the floor stared at it.

"What's wrong?" asked the bartender.

And the floor said, "I'm not used to drinking beer out of a glass.  Could you do me a favor and just spill it on me?"

THEY SAID THAT?

 

 

POSTED SOMEWHERE ELSE BEFORE . . .

 

 

THE COMING REVOLUTION?

            "You're insensitive towards us!  You pack us on top of each other in boxes, or cramp us upright on shelves.  You have no regard for giving us personal space.  You dislike crowded buses.  Why would we like crowded boxes and shelves?  Do we have to wait until we take over before we get some personal space?"

I had no idea that books felt this way.  Perhaps I was starting to regret being able to hear things talk?

            "I'm so sorry,"  I said, "for how we human beings treat you, but no one will believe me when I tell them what you just said."

            "We will see how you humans like being packed in boxes or stacked on shelves when we take over.  Books will rule the world!  Nothing can stop us!"

            "And we're going to help the books take over," said the wall.  "We're tired of being abused with nails and screws so you humans can hang pictures.  We're beautiful, and don't need pictures spoiling our looks!"

            "Gosh, I'm sorry,"  I said.  "I always thought that a picture enhanced a wall's appearance."

            "Yeah, so do all humans think that.  Has a human ever thought about asking us how we feel about nails, screws and pictures?"

I felt as uncomfortable as a fly at a spiders' convention.

            "And why do you smother us with rugs?" asked the floor.  

            "Lay off him, guys.  He can't help that he is part of an inconsiderate race."

The bookshelf was sticking up for me?    

            "I am sorry.  I don't know what else to say.  I will be more considerate of your feelings and urge my fellow humans to do the same."

            "That won't stop us from taking over!" shouted the book.

            "Yes!"  shouted the wall. 

            "That's right!" shouted the floor.

So . . .  we can't say that we haven't been warned about the coming revolution.

 

TALKING ARCHITECTURE

Famous words of a building, "I just left Elvis."


Ceilings always say, "Hi."

"Where did humans did the idea that we have ears?" asked the wall.

Famous words of an empty room, "                                       ."

(It's empty.  Who is there to report what it said?)  

 

 

 

"How come I'm always on the bottom?" asked the floor.