Talking Clocks

ON DAYS

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?

"Day."

"Day who?"

"Day Thurs--or something like that."

"Why did the day cross the road?"

"I don't know.  Why?"

"To be everywhere.  Days have to be everywhere for the world to work."

"How many days does it take to change a light bulb?"

"I don't know."

"Just one day, but even that is too long.  A light bulb can be changed in less than 5 minutes."

JUMP!  JUMP!  JUMP!  JUMP!  JUMP!  JUMP!

"What's that jumping all over the place?"

"Oh, that's Leap Day."

SWOOSH!

"What was that?"

"That was a day."

"Gee, they go by fast." 

A day walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Weren't you here already?"

And the day said, "Yes, I'm here all day."

"What will it be?" asked the bartender.

And the day said, "I'll have a Good Evening, please."

"I'm sorry," said the bartender, "but we're out of Good Evenings.  We have lots of Good Nights."

"Okay," said the day, "I'll have a Good night."

QUOTES FROM PEOPLE YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF

Your life will likely stay the same if you don't win big in a lottery.
                                      - Donald Different


Jewellery owes a debt to gold.
                                       - Yel Low


How hard not to dwell in the past when you're a time traveler.
                                        - Karen Chronos


If things were simple, then they would not be complicated.
                                        - Michael Moron


Sometimes, it takes a lot of training to be stupid.
                                         - Wally Witless


For the people who spend hours meditating and contemplating the question, "Who am I?"  I say,
"Look at your fuckin' driver's licence!"
                                           - Victor Vulgar


Some say the world world will end in fire.
Some say in ice.
Who cares which is right after the world ends?
                                            - Roberta Frost


In a Parallel Universe, nothing meets.
                                             - Theo Retical


Watch out for groundhogs when you join the underground militia.
                                              - Ryan Resist


We need more lumberjills in the world!
                                               - Femi Nist


I'm going to end it here.
                                               - Bufford Boundary 

DO I HAVE TOO MUCH HANS ON MY TIME?

Do I have to much Hans on my time?  I do whenever my fat neighbor Hans sits on my watch.

I never know when Hans is going to show up.  He never calls.  He knocks at my door.  When I answer he asks, "May I sit on your watch?"  I let him in.  I take off my watch.  He sits on it and smiles.  After several minutes, he gets up and leaves thanking me on his way out.

I always think of questions while Hans is on my time:

What does the moon eat to get full?

Do whores love their work?

Why do I keep falling asleep when I read books about insomnia?

Are marriage and serenity compatible?

Can a void be organic?

Does Nothing have an identity crisis when it is Impossible?

Why am I afraid to ask Hans why he enjoys sitting on my time?

IF I WAS NOT A FUNNY BONE TECHNICIAN . . .

If I wasn't a funny bone technician, then I would like to work at:

- Being a guide human for blind dogs;

- Being paid to be shade for the Sun;

- Being a dictionary to give meaning to everything;

- Being an employee of a home for chewed food;

- Making catalogues of all the catalogues in the world; 

- Being the space in some peoples' heads;

- Building airplanes so more time can fly;

- Having a garden of peas for the world (World Peas);

- Teaching creative sensitivity to help people get their poetic license;

And finally, if I was not a funny bone technician, then I would like to be the stuff that dreams are made on, and round my little life with sleep.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .

RANDOM THOUGHTS . . .

Do I have too much time on my hands?  Why doesn't it come off with soap?

If there is a God, then why doesn't He or She or They or It or --
 (I forgot the rest of my question.)

Have you ever seen happiness --actual happiness -- for sale in a store or anywhere else?  Neither have I.  This explains why money can't buy happiness.

How come people will not steal movies from a DVD store because stealing is wrong, but think nothing of stealing movies off the Internet?

The sign in a store says, Open 7 Days A Week, but it does not say which days.

I must be getting old.  I let the good times roll and almost broke my leg.

I can't remember the name of the person who invented bad memories.

If there is a God, then why doesn't He or She or They or It make the world a better place by stopping me from blogging?

Time to wash my hands . . .