It's All About Knock-Knock Jokes

"Why did the knock-knock joke cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To see who was on the other side."



A knock-knock joke walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And the knock-knock joke said, "Sorry, but the only question I know how to answer is 'Who's there?' "



"How many knock-knock jokes does it take to change a light bulb?"
"Who wants to know?"

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Knock-Knock  Joke."

"Knock-knock Joke who?"

"Knock-knock Joke about a knock-knock joke that's not funny."

"What's the biggest threat to knock-knock jokes?"

"I don't know."

"Doorbells."

If someone tells a knock-knock joke in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, is the joke still funny?

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Apple."

"Apple who?"

"Apple New Year!" 

HOPE THESE GAGS DON'T MAKE YOU GAG

A bartender walks into a bar and says, "Anybody seen my joke?  I lost it."

Q:  How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  One if the civil servant is not in a union, and 17 if he or she is.

Q:  How many tax auditors does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  One, but the light bulb has to file a tax return first.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

(Sorry, but a zombie ate the rest of this joke.)

"You look terrible!" says one zombie to another. 

"I know," says the other zombie.  "I think it was something I ate."

"Hey funny bone technician!" 

That's me.  "Yes?"

"Have you seen my joke?"

"No, I haven't.

"Well, could you write one for me?  I'm lost without a joke."

"Okay."

Q:  Why did not bartender cross the road?

A:  He was following a chicken who didn't pay its bar bill.

"That's the best you can do?"

"Sorry, but beggars can't be a stitch in time -- or something like that."  

WALKING INTO BARS

A bartender walks into a bar.  The owner of the bar, who is also the bartender, says, "What's wrong,  don't you have your own joke?"


A Who's-there? walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"
The Who's-there? says, "I'll have a knock knock please."
The bartender says, "A knock knock?"
The Who's-there? says, "Who's there?"
The bartender says, "What's a knock knock?"
The Who's-there? says, "What's-a-knock-knock who?"
"No," says the bartender, "I'm asking what a knock knock is.  I've never heard of that drink."
"Forget it," says the Who's-there?.  "I'm leaving.  You just ruined the joke!"


A naked man walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Hey buddy, didn't you forget something?"
The naked man looks down at himself and then rushes out saying, "You're right,  I forgot my wallet!"


 A politician walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"
The politician smiles and says, "What do most of your customers drink?"
The bartender says, "Beer."
"Then I'll have a beer, please," says the politician.
"What brand of beer?" asks the bartender.
"Uh-er-uh-can I get back to you on that?" asks the politician.  "I want to set up a task force to study the matter further, and then make recommendations."


 A turd walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve shit in here."
"That's not what I heard," says the turd.  "I'll have a pina colada, please."
The bartender thinks for a moment, and then makes a flushing noise.  The turd runs out terrified.


"I said,  What's wrong,  don't you have your own joke?"
"I do," says the bartender, "but I just came in here to get a break.  I've had a rough shift.  I had to deal with a Who's-there? who yelled at me for ruining its joke, a naked man without his wallet, a politician who couldn't order a beer without consulting a task force, and a turd who wanted a pina colada."
"Wow," says the owner-bartender, "that's rough!  At least I don't have to worry about anything like that happening to me."
"Why not?" asks the bartender.
"Because," says the owner-bartender, "I was created just for this blog; so my existence ends when this blog ends."
"Really?" asks the bartender.  "Do you believe in life after blog?"

SUITCASES? WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT SUITCASES?

Q: Why did the suitcase cross the road?
A: No one knows why, or where it got its legs.

 

Q: How many suitcases does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One -- with a little help from a human.

Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change 

     suitcase?
A:  Knock knock, to get to the other side.
                   (This joke submitted by Salvador Dali)

Q: What do you call a suitcase with a broken

      handle?
A:  A box.

A suitcase walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

The suitcase says, "I'll have an Aviation, please.  It reminds me of where I see my friends."

A suitcase walks into a bar and the bartender says, "An Aviation, right?"

The suitcase says, "No, thank you.  This time I'll have a Screwdriver.  I want to fix my broken handle."

A suitcase walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

The suitcase says, "I have just enough room in me for a Blue Blazer, thanks."

A man walks into a bar pulling a wagon with a suitcase on it.  The bartender asks, "What will it be?"

The man says, "I'll have a beer please."
"And for the suitcase?" asks the bartender.

"Nothing," says the man.  "He's on the wagon."

A suitcase dies and goes to Heaven.  St. Peter meets it at the gate and says, "Finally!  I thought the airline had lost you forever."