SUITCASES? WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT SUITCASES?

Q: Why did the suitcase cross the road?
A: No one knows why, or where it got its legs.

 

Q: How many suitcases does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One -- with a little help from a human.

Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change 

     suitcase?
A:  Knock knock, to get to the other side.
                   (This joke submitted by Salvador Dali)

Q: What do you call a suitcase with a broken

      handle?
A:  A box.

A suitcase walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

The suitcase says, "I'll have an Aviation, please.  It reminds me of where I see my friends."

A suitcase walks into a bar and the bartender says, "An Aviation, right?"

The suitcase says, "No, thank you.  This time I'll have a Screwdriver.  I want to fix my broken handle."

A suitcase walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

The suitcase says, "I have just enough room in me for a Blue Blazer, thanks."

A man walks into a bar pulling a wagon with a suitcase on it.  The bartender asks, "What will it be?"

The man says, "I'll have a beer please."
"And for the suitcase?" asks the bartender.

"Nothing," says the man.  "He's on the wagon."

A suitcase dies and goes to Heaven.  St. Peter meets it at the gate and says, "Finally!  I thought the airline had lost you forever."   

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT

Cut off your toes.
Cut off your feet.
Cut off your nose.
Stop eating meat.

Cut off your legs.
Cut off your butt.
Stop eating eggs.
What's left to cut?

Cut off your hands.
Cut off your arms.
Don't eat pecans.
Carry no charms.

Still not too thin
After these cuts?
Remove your skin.
Throw out your guts.

What's left of you
Won't gain weight back.
Clothing that's new
Will be a sack.

No arms. No nose.
No legs. No guts.
Don't decompose,
And don't go nuts.