Showing posts with label garlic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label garlic. Show all posts

Friday, October 10, 2014

ALL ABOUT EBOLA




An Ebola virus goes to its doctor and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
The Ebola virus says, "I think I caught a human being."
"What makes you think that?" asks the doctor.

"Well," says the Ebola virus, "I've started thinking that my fellow viruses are causing all my problems and I want to kill them."
"Yep," says the doctor, "you've definitely caught a human being."  He starts writing a prescription.  "I'm going to prescribe a bottle of rational thinking.  It will get rid of your human being, and prevent you from being infected by others."






Q: Why did the Ebola virus cross the road?
A:  To infect a chicken.





An Ebola virus walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"
The Ebola virus says, "I'll have a fever and sore throat on the rocks, thanks."
As the bartender fixes the drink he says, "You must be new around here.  I haven't seen you before."
"I've been around," says the Ebola virus, "I just never came in here.  It's lonely being famous.  I'm hoping to meet some other viruses to share the spotlight."
"You've come to the right place," says the bartender.  "You can pickup all kinds of viruses here.  This place is better than a hospital.  Our patrons include AIDS, Mad Cow, Gonorrhea, Malaria, and the flu to name a few."
"Well, where are they?" asks the Ebola virus.  "The place seems deserted."
"Don't worry," says the bartender, "they'll be here soon.  They always come at Unhappy Hour."





"Are you here for the same problem?" asks the doctor.
"No," says the Ebola virus, "I finished the bottle of rational thinking, and it cured me."
"So what's the problem?" asks the doctor.
"I'm depressed," says the Ebola virus.
"Why?" asks the doctor.
"The human being that had infected me," says the Ebola virus, "is on the Internet writing blogs."
"Don't worry," says the doctor, "no one will read them."

Monday, April 28, 2014

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, COUNT DRACULA!


"You made Gaylord the subject of a blog.  I want to be the subject of one, too."

Are you going to tell me that Dracula isn't your real name?

"No, Dracula is my name."
 

Well?  Why do you want to be the subject of a blog?

"To help me launch my stand-up comedy career.  I want to do stand-up comedyI can be funny at times.  Would you like to hear a routine?"

I thought you would never ask.

"Being dead is not fun at times.  Spending my days in my coffin is okay -- unless I have a cold.   Then I spend my time coughing in my coffin.  I pretty much have to let the cold run its course.  I can't take any garlic for it . . . 
You're not laughing."

No I'm not.  

"You don't think I'm funny?"

That bit wasn't that funny to me.  Someone else may find it gut-splitting.

"Perhaps I should stick to sucking blood instead of trying to kill on stage?"

Wow!  You have a fear of failure?  Have you ever been afraid to bite someone because you wouldn't suck their blood right?

"No, I'm confident at being a vampire I have a fear of failing as a comedian."

What does your heart tell you to do?

"My heart tells me to watch out for wooden stakes."

Now that's funny!


  

Sunday, November 28, 2010

DO NOT THINK ON THESE THINGS

If truth is beauty and beauty is truth,  then why aren't all politicians ugly?

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, then what will garlic do?

If all is fair in love and war, then why are there courts for divorce.

If haste makes waste, then will people stop polluting by slowing down?

If knowledge is power, then why do smart people still have electrical bills?

If no news is good news, then

If revenge is sweet, then is candy tit for tat?

If time is money, then why are old calendars worthless?

If the Kingdom of Heaven is within, then why do we spend time looking upwards?