Showing posts with label coughing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coughing. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

UNCONNECTED MUSINGS ABOUT THE NOT-WANTED TOP NEWSPAPER, AND GERMAPHOBES


A pile of newspapers -- free or for sale. 
How come most people don't take the one on top?  They reach for the second or third or forth or tenth, but refuse to take the nothing-wrong-with-it newspaper on the top.

Even when someone takes the newspaper on the top making the second newspaper the top newspaper, and people see this, they still won't take the former-second-from-the-top newspaper.  They feel that there is something wrong with this newspaper now that it is on top.  Perhaps there is.  Who knows?





Germs.  We need germs to help strengthen our immune system.  Yet most people are terrified of germs. 
 

I don't have a fear of germs.  Whatever does not kill me makes me a whiny sick guy with a stronger immune system.

I see the germaphobes at the public computers.  They take  a sanitized towelette and meticulously wipe down the computer's keyboard, and the desk area surrounding the computer keyboard over and over again.  They use a tissue to cover the mouse so there is no direct contact between their hands and the mouse. 

And then these germaphobes sit down to use the computer -- all the while coughing and sneezing and sniffling.  I have yet to see a germaphobe who hasn't coughed or sneezed or sniffled after sanitizing a computer.  And I aways think, "Perhaps if you allowed yourself some germs, then your stronger immune system may cut down on your coughs and sneezes and sniffles."

Monday, April 28, 2014

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, COUNT DRACULA!


"You made Gaylord the subject of a blog.  I want to be the subject of one, too."

Are you going to tell me that Dracula isn't your real name?

"No, Dracula is my name."
 

Well?  Why do you want to be the subject of a blog?

"To help me launch my stand-up comedy career.  I want to do stand-up comedyI can be funny at times.  Would you like to hear a routine?"

I thought you would never ask.

"Being dead is not fun at times.  Spending my days in my coffin is okay -- unless I have a cold.   Then I spend my time coughing in my coffin.  I pretty much have to let the cold run its course.  I can't take any garlic for it . . . 
You're not laughing."

No I'm not.  

"You don't think I'm funny?"

That bit wasn't that funny to me.  Someone else may find it gut-splitting.

"Perhaps I should stick to sucking blood instead of trying to kill on stage?"

Wow!  You have a fear of failure?  Have you ever been afraid to bite someone because you wouldn't suck their blood right?

"No, I'm confident at being a vampire I have a fear of failing as a comedian."

What does your heart tell you to do?

"My heart tells me to watch out for wooden stakes."

Now that's funny!