BESTSELLERS AMONGST . . .

The following books are bestsellers, but only amongst the groups mentioned.

Bestseller amongst geese:

How To Keep Your Down When Everything Is Going Up  

by Harry Honk 

Amongst viruses:

Fifty Shades of Ebola 

by Diane Diagnose

Amongst Ku Klux Klan members:

A Brief History of White 

by Ray Cyst

Amongst brides:

How To Be A Virgin When You Ain't 

by Ida Impure

Amongst trains:

The Tracks of My Tears

by Loco Motif

Amongst ghosts:

Crime and Ectoplasm 

by Fyodor Ghostoyevsky

Amongst suicide bombers:

The Big Bang Theory

by G. Powder

Amongst endings:

Is It Really The End?

by Al L. Finn

WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE ARMPIT STINKING?

Zen Koans You Will Not Find In Any Book

A student came to see a Zen Master to ask about Zen.  The Zen Master served tea.  He poured the student's cup full, and then kept pouring.  The student watched the cup overflow and finally said, "It's overfull!  No more will go in!"  The Zen Master looked up and said, "Uh?" and then kept pouring.


A Zen Master wrote sixty postal cards on the last day of his life.  He asked an attendant to mail them, and then died.  The cards read:
I am departing from this world.    This is my last announcement.   I put no stamps on these cards.  You'll have to pay the postage.  Nanananana!


A student visited a Zen Master.  The Zen Master asked, "What do you seek?"
"Enlightenment," replied the student.
"Everything is inside you," said the Zen Master. "Why do you search outside?"
"Well," said the student. "I also seek a large vanilla milkshake from McDonald's."
After hearing this, the Zen Master was McEnlightened.


For years a student of Zen had a koan.  He had meditated on it and thought about it and meditated on it some more, and could not understand it.  Finally he went to a Zen Master and asked for help.  The Zen Master gave the student some ice cream for his koan, and the student understood.


Is there a splash if a frog jumps in a pond where there is no water?


A student asked a Zen Master, "What is Buddha Nature?"  The Zen Master said nothing, but he leaned over and farted.  The student was enlightened -- after leaving the room, of course.

In the bardo, a student of Zen was asked how he had left his body.  "I'm not sure," he replied.  "I think I drowned.  The last thing I remember was a Zen Master pouring me a cup of tea."


A monk asked Master Be Oh, "What is the living meaning of Zen Buddhism?"
Master Be Oh replied,  "The sound of one armpit stinking."
The monk was not enlightened, and he never again went near Master Be Oh to ask another question.

SOME STUPID THINGS PEOPLE DO . . .

People love kicks that kill them.  The mountains of evidence of the harmful effects of smoking, drinking, and drugs do not deter people from indulging.  "Harmful effects happen to other people, but will never happen to me."  is the attitude.  I suppose this is true.  Hospitals and rehab centers are full of  other people.

Baseball caps and running shoes in winter?  These items are fine in spring, summer and fall.   But in winter with knee-deep, blowing  snow and subzero temperatures, many people are still wearing baseball caps and running shoes!   "It's the style," they say.  Common sense takes a back seat when it comes to being in style.

Nonconformists will join groups to be with other nonconformists.

People will preach that racism and hatred are wrong, but hate racists.

People love going out to restaurants to order homemade food.  How can homemade food be made in any place except the home?                  

Zen calendars for sale?  Zen stresses The Eternal Now.  Doesn't a calendar go against Zen philosophy?  Do people need twenty-four pages of pictures, words, boxes and numbers to remind them that time does not exist?  Apparently so.

People will wear makeup to make themselves look natural.  They wear makeup to make themselves look as if they are not wearing any makeup?

And finally there are those people who blog about stupid things people do.  These bloggers think they are superior to other people, and that they are above and beyond doing stupid things.  How stupid is that?