WHAT THEY REALLY SAID AND THOUGHT

TV SHOWS THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT

The Bastard - Single men compete to be chosen the worst person ever.



Who Wants To Be Poor? - Could not get any contestants for this show. 



Walking Alive - A group of people walk around.  That's it.



The Bad Place - Who wants to watch a show about Hell?



The Game of Brones - What the hell is a brone?



Stuper Girl - Too many protests from women over this show.



Unfinished Business - This show--

TRY THIS! (BUT NOT AT HOME)

Close your eyes while driving.  See how long you can drive before you have an accident.



Jump off a tall building while tossing a penny.  See whether you or the penny hit the ground first.



Run down the stairs with your shoelaces untied.



Hold your breath for 20 minutes underwater.  Do this daily.  It's better than meditation.



Using only your body, try to stop a truck coming at you at 47 miles per hour.  (Anything faster than 47 mph is too dangerous.)



Explore the inside of a giant shark's mouth.  (You can do this after holding your breath underwater for 20 minutes.)



Walk into a bank brandishing a big gun.  Casually ask, "Are you giving away any money today?"



Practise dying.



Lock yourself in a public washroom and scream, "I'm gonna murder the toilets unless you give into my demands!"



Write a silly blog about destructive behavior.

A SHORT POLITICAL SPEECH

"If elected, I promise to break all the promises I made to get me elected.  Why should I be any different than any other politician?  

"We politicians don't care about you.  We care about getting elected, and getting re-elected.  We will do and say anything to get you to vote us into office, and allow us stay in office.

"We are grateful for your short memories.  Thank you."

IS IT POSSIBLE?

Is it possible that the sky is not the limit?




Is it possible that stress is the cause of stress?



Is it possible to be carefree when you are dead?



Is it possible to hear better when you close your eyes?



Is it possible that Vincent Van Gogh was selling himself to a cannibal piece by piece?



Is it possible that reincarnation causes past lives?



Is it possible that mirrors cause reflections?



Is it possible that you will run out of things to say if you live forever?



Is it possible that psychiatrists invent mental illnesses to make more money?



Is it possible to be happily depressed?



Is it possible that The End is not The's butt?

IT'S ABOUT TIME

On Sunday November 6, 2016a.m., at 2:00 a.m., we set our clocks back one hour going from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time.  Did anyone tell Mother Nature so she can adjust her clocks?



"Spring forward.  Fall back."
"What about Summer and Winter?"
"They're watching Spring and Fall doing gymnastics."

  

"Daddy," said the child clock, "how long before we get to Standard Time?"

And the daddy clock replied, "It will take us about an hour." 

"Hey Clock, how come it didn't take you long to read War and Peace?" 

And Clock replied, "Oh, I have lots of time on my hands."

A mother sees her child rubbing a watch on his scraped knee.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"I'm making my booboo better," says the child.  "I heard that time heals all wounds."

If time flies, then how come it has never crashed into airplanes?

"I promise to love you until the end of time.  After that I'm gonna find someone else."

Shhhhhhhhh!

What does silence look like?

Silence used to be golden, but current economic conditions have turned it bronze.

"Why did silence cross the road?"

"I don't know."

"To go to a bar."

Silence walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"

Silence said, "Shhhhhhhhh!"

The bartender served shhhhhhhhh! to silence.  Silence drank it, paid, and left.

"Why did silence cross the road?"

"To go to a bar?"

"No, to go back home.  It had just left the bar."

"Where does silence live?"

"Unfortunately nowhere near me."

If silence falls in the forest, and no one is there not to listen, is there still no noise?

QUIET IS REQUESTED FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO LISTEN TO THE VOICES IN THEIR HEADS