WHAT A GORGEOUS WOMAN!

Wow!  What a gorgeous woman!  Should I ask her to marry me, or save my proposal for another time?  I think I will leave my proposal for another time and distract myself by  asking questions . . .


Was Abraham Lincoln upset that he didn't see the end of the play?


Can a grave die?


Does the moon go crazy when it's full?


Does Dracula prefer his blood with red or white wine?


Can I make a difference teaching rabbits birth control?


Has anyone ever heard a crooked crocodile crow while crying crocodile tears?


Did Jesus carry documents to prove he was the Son of God?


Do trees study to become pencils?


How big a ruler would I need to rule the world?


Would I look good in a tight, black dress?


Is Nowhere near here?


Can I stop distracting myself now?

SOME COURSES AT VOID CITY COLLEGE

I have always wanted to study philosophy.  Void City College, in Nowhere, offers the following courses:

The Philosophy of Gardening

Students learn about the meaning of flowers in this dirt-cheap course.

The Wisdom Teeth Lectures

Dr. Dennis Dental discusses the ethics of whiter teeth, and the values of pain from root canal.  Dr. Dental also answers the question, "How wise are wisdom teeth?"

Immanuel Kant's Mathematics and Mortgages

Students learn how Kant's Philosophy of Mathematics relates to mortgages.

(It doesn't, but don't tell anyone.)

Philosophical Concepts of Income Tax
Dr. Allen Fittle Von Fickelfop uses the Socratic Method combined with Marx's Theory of Alienation to teach students how to morally cheat on their taxes.  (Students must sign a waiver absolving the College of all responsibility should they be arrested.)

I will pass on taking these courses.  I have no interest in gardening, teeth, mathematics, or cheating the government out of money.

SHHHH!

What ever happened to a library being a place of silence?   A stern-looking spinster librarian would  shush!  you if you were breathing too loud.  Now librarians are no longer stern-looking spinsters, and library silence is on display somewhere in a museum.

People must wake up and say, "I think I'll go to the library today and talk on my cell phone.  When not talking on my cell phone, I'll talk and socialize with my friends." 

Signs asking people to be quiet and not use their cell phones are mere decorations.  Sometimes the librarians themselves are gabbing away.  

I love silence.  Where can I find it?  Nowhere?  Outer Space?  I may find it if I went to Nowhere.  I am not confident that I will find silence in Outer Space.  I suspect that should I go to Outer Space, looking for silence, I will find an alien blabbing on his cell phone.

"Yeah, Goink, you're right.  Listen, let me call you back.  I'm just heading to Earth.  I'll call you when I get to a library.  Okay.  Bye."

NOWHERE - A NEW CONDO

Situated in the heart of vibrant nothing, The Unreality Group's newest condominium embodies a raw nonexistent lifestyle.

If you live here, then you enjoy an unscripted neighborhood.  You are just steps away from its cutting edge blank dinning, null music, no-such-thing nightlife hotspots, plus oblivion stores and non-being boutiques.  You can stroll to the non-events held at The Invisible Hotel.  Nearby is the 00.0 acre Null and Void Park which is a popular destination for locals.

Encompassing unlimited suites, the condominium rises to infinity.  Unimagined on-site amenities include a trend-setting party room that has a fictional fireplace and club-style imaginary seating, a dodo bar area, and an extinct kitchen.  The fitness room offers nothing; so there is no need to leave home to find it.

Highlights of Unreality Group's high-quality suites features sky-high ceilings, invisible windows, intangible kitchens, and dinning and living rooms that have no existence.  Prices start at zero.  Move in now.

The Unreality Group has more than a billion years' experience building superb nullities.   For an overview the the company's many fine nullities, close your eyes.