UNREASONALBLE RULES OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN

Never eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the same time.  Eat these meals separately over periods of time throughout the day.


No matter how big your mouth is, always use one fork or spoon when eating.


Eat junk food now and again for fun.


Never wear your underwear for more than seven years without changing it.


Always make sure that your pants are down before using toilet paper.


Always read with your eyes open.


Never meditate while sitting on train tracks.


Do not breathe underwater unless drowning is your goal.


Make sure you get a minimum of a million hours of sleep each night after you die.

  

I WISH . . .

I wish my bowels would leave a forwarding address whenever they move.

I wish I could live without eating.
 (Then I wouldn't have to worry about transient bowels.)

I wish my feet smelled like roses.

I wish semen tasted like chocolate, and caused women to lose weight.

I wish that politicians told the truth.

I wish that wars, murders, rapes, violence, and robberies always happen so that newspapers, radio and television stations will never go out of business.

I wish that God would tell us where He came from, and what church He attends.

I wish I knew what the last number was.

I wish I knew almost everything there is to know. 
(I don't want to know everything.  Knowing everything would not give me a reason to get out of bed.)

I wish that the buttons on new expensive shirts would not fall off.

I wish my wishes came true.

And as I have wished many times before, I wish that I did not have to make wishes.