SOME THINGS THAT BOTHER ME

I don't like being murdered.  Every time someone kills me, it throws off my day.


Earthquakes often get under my skin, and building.  I don't mind earthquakes if nothing gets broken, but they usually cause a crack or two and make lots of noise.


Leaders of countries bother me when they make speeches on television and interrupt my favorite tv shows.


People who pick their noses in public and then wipe their boogers on their clothing.  What makes them think that no one is watching?


Loud noises bother me---especially noises from nuclear bomb testing.  Why can't the military test bombs on other planets?


I am always bothered when I run out of ideas.  There should be a law preventing this from happening to me.

I WISH . . .

I wish my bowels would leave a forwarding address whenever they move.

I wish I could live without eating.
 (Then I wouldn't have to worry about transient bowels.)

I wish my feet smelled like roses.

I wish semen tasted like chocolate, and caused women to lose weight.

I wish that politicians told the truth.

I wish that wars, murders, rapes, violence, and robberies always happen so that newspapers, radio and television stations will never go out of business.

I wish that God would tell us where He came from, and what church He attends.

I wish I knew what the last number was.

I wish I knew almost everything there is to know. 
(I don't want to know everything.  Knowing everything would not give me a reason to get out of bed.)

I wish that the buttons on new expensive shirts would not fall off.

I wish my wishes came true.

And as I have wished many times before, I wish that I did not have to make wishes.