JOB LAYOFFS

Here are some people we would love to see laid-off:

• Doctors because people are too healthy;
• Funeral Directors for obvious reasons;
• Police because not enough crime; and 
• Tow truck drivers because no accidents and car breakdowns.

We now join God in His boss' office . . . 

"I'm sorry, God," says God's boss, "but not enough people believe in you for us to continue to keep you on as Ruler of the Universe.  We have a generous severance package which includes medical and dental benefits, and career counselling with assistance finding another job.  It is such a generous package that we know your lawyer won't want any changes when he or she looks it over."
"I have one request," says God.
"Yes?" asks His boss.
"Can you ask Satan to lend me a lawyer.  There aren't any in Heaven."
"Will do."
"Thanks.  What will happen to the Universe?" asks God.
"We will close it down."
"But what about the people of Earth?" asks God.
"Don't worry," says God's boss, "they'll be too busy watching television, playing computer games, or reading blogs to notice."

SOME JOB INTERVIEW QUESTIONS YOU WILL NEVER BE ASKED

Are you a serial killer?  (If so, then do we have to worry about losing staff if we hire you?)

How do you feel about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle?

Have you ever seen a ghost using a cell phone during a haunting?

How would you describe your guts?

Do you work well during nuclear wars?

Are you suicidal?  

Is there a God?  

Do you start to smell if you haven't washed for three months?

Would you rather be liked, or licked? 

What about your salary?  Were you expecting to be paid with money?

Can you scratch your head and rub your belly at the same time?

Do you work well with zombies?
  
Did you know that The boss is not always right, but she is always the boss?

Where will you be 347 years from now?

Is Gary Johnston the best thing since the invention of lubricants for enema nozzles?