REASONS TO CELEBRATE

I celebrate today because I was not born in the year 1011!  If I was, then I'd be a thousand years old, and so slow to react to everything.  It would take me several hours to understand a joke, and another several hours to laugh -- if I had the energy to laugh at all.  How wonderful not to be a thousand years old.

I celebrate today because I am in no pain!   Nothing hurts!   No headache.  No cramps.  No sore muscles.  No sore joints.  And my left big toe is smiling.  What a great day!

I celebrate today because I am not a zombie!  I do not have to worry about eating brains.   I do not have to worry about covering up the smell of  my rotting dead flesh.  And I can walk as fast as I want to.

I celebrate today because I did not wet the bed!   How wonderful to awaken to sunlight, and dry sheets.

I celebrate today because my I.Q. is 3!  I thought that my  I.Q. was 1, but a test today shows that it is 3.  I am smarter than I thought.

I celebrate today because I can still remember that I have a bad memory!    Why should I worry about having a bad memory as long as I remember that my memory is bad?

I celebrate today because I am not a dangerous chemical!   I will not irritate your skin if  you touch me.    I may  irritate you with my exuberance.

I celebrate today because I'm not buying a lottery ticket.  They say,  "If you don't have a ticket, you can't win."   I say,  "If I don't have a ticket, I can't lose."

I celebrate today because . . .
just because!

RANDOM MUSINGS . . .

Q:  Who killed John Fitzgerald Kennedy?
A:   Lee Harvey Everybody.

Is there any money in running a Night Care for children of vampires?

What is the purpose of a sunken living room other than to injure you when you are tired or drunk?

Does a fly look for the biggest, stinking  pile of caca because he wants the best for his family?

How far can you get with an I.Q. of two-by-four?

Is my life worthless?  "No!"  say the income tax people.

Are there any vegetarian cannibals?

How can I cut my energy costs all year round?    Living on the street?

Is marriage sometimes occasional sex with someone you don't like?

Is this enough for now?