"It's not fair! The Friday before Easter gets called Good Friday, the Sunday is Easter Sunday, and the Monday after Easter is Easter Monday. Nothing special about me, the Saturday before Easter. Don't I deserve some special title other than Saturday?
"Some have tried calling me Easter Eve, Holy Saturday, and Great Saturday, but these names never stuck. I do not want to be called Good Saturday because that name belongs to Friday. Easter Saturday is the Saturday following Easter and not me.
"Sacred Saturday has a nice sound to it. How about it, people? How about calling the Saturday before Easter Sacred Saturday?"
***
"I am Advertising. I come at you in all forms. My goal is to convince you to part with your money because doing so will make you happy. I can't believe how some of you buy the stuff I say about things. Do you really think things can make you happy?"
***
"I am Pizza. Often I get cheesed off at you people for no reason in particular. Just thought I'd tell you that."
***
"As Tire, I often get tired. But things go around and my fatigue rolls away."
***
"I am Hearing Aid . . . What? Speak up! I can't hear you."
***
"How frustrating! I want to come out, but I don't know how. I am Closet. How does a closet come out?"
***
"I am Road. I'm glad people cross me because it protects me from vampires."
***
I am Stone. There is nothing more to say today, this Sacred Saturday.
