It's All About Junk Mail

"Why did Junk Mail cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To litter on the other side."



"How much junk mail does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How much?"
"A lot, but the junk mail has to be URGENT! and opened right away so it can change the bulb before the offer expires."



Junk Mail walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And Junk Mail said, "I don't want anything.  Can I offer you a tip that will save you lots and lots of money?"
"Sure," said the bartender.
And Junk Mail said, "Never spend any money."

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Junk Mail."

"Sorry, we don't want any."

Junk Mail walked into a library and the librarian asked, "Can I help you?"

"Yes," said Junk Mail, "I'm looking for a book about the health benefits of junk food."

"I'm sorry," said the librarian after checking, "but we don't have a book about the health benefits of junk food."

"That's okay," said Junk Mail, "I can't read."

"What can never be seen?"

"What?"

"Junk mail that is invisible."

"What's the difference between junk mail and junk food."

"I don't know."

"You must have some interesting meals."

THESE THINGS TALK?

"It's not fair!  The Friday before Easter gets called Good Friday, the Sunday is Easter Sunday, and the Monday after Easter is Easter Monday.  Nothing special about me, the Saturday before Easter.  Don't I deserve some special title other than Saturday?

 "Some have tried calling me Easter Eve, Holy Saturday, and Great Saturday, but these names never stuck.  I do not want to be called Good Saturday because that name belongs to Friday.  Easter Saturday is the Saturday following Easter and not me.

"Sacred Saturday has a nice sound to it.  How about it, people?  How about calling the Saturday before Easter Sacred Saturday?"

***

"I am Advertising.  I come at you in all forms.  My goal is to convince you to part with your money because doing so will make you happy.  I can't believe how some of you buy the stuff I say about things.  Do you really think things can make you happy?"

***

"I am Pizza.  Often I get cheesed off at you people for no reason in particular.  Just thought I'd tell you that."

***

 "As Tire, I often get tired.  But things go around and my fatigue rolls away."

***

"I am Hearing Aid . . .   What?  Speak up!  I can't hear you."

***

"How frustrating!  I want to  come out, but I don't know how.  I am Closet.  How does a closet come out?"

***

"I am Road.  I'm glad people cross me because it protects me from vampires."

***

I am Stone.  There is nothing more to say today, this Sacred Saturday.