Sunday, November 29, 2015

MY NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE





I'm not sure how I died.  The last thing I remember was eating Einstein's Theory of Relativity, and then I blacked out.  I must have choked or something.  I found myself floating through a tunnel.  I saw graffiti on the tunnel's wall:

ATHEIST GO HOME!

MY HEAVEN IS BETTER THAN YOUR HEAVEN

GOD LOVES EVERYTHING EXCEPT SOULS WHO SCRIBBLE ON HIS TUNNEL WALLS

A light at the end of the tunnel grew brighter and brighter.  "If I was as bright as that light,"  I thought, "then I would not have to struggle to come up with blogs."

The tunnel ended.  There I was surrounded by a loving bright white light.  My whole life passed before me.  I felt the consequences of all my actions and thoughts.  I even felt the pain I had caused the spermatozoa that died in the shower when I was a teenager, and again as an adult after I was married. 

Suddenly I was back in my body after I heard a deep loving voice say, "Go back.  Go back.  It is your time, but we don't want you here."

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