Sit comfortably.
Tell the voices in your head, "Shut up!"
(If the voices in your head continue to talk, then threaten them with medication. Tell them that if they don't stop, you will start taking medication that will silence them. This should stop them.)
Close your eyes. Using a hand-held mirror check to see whether your eyes are closed properly.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
(It's a good idea to breathe in and breathe out after you finish meditating just to stay alive.)
Focus on your breathing. This will be hard because it is hard to focus on anything with your eyes closed. Don't give up.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
See yourself calmly floating on a cloud before it rains.
(If if rains you will rain to the ground breaking all your bones and that's not very peaceful.)
Keep breathing in and out with your eyes closed for about 17 seconds, and that's it. You're done.
Congratulate yourself for successfully meditating 10 seconds longer than the average attention span.
