Head and Plot Lines

SHAKESPEARE ADMITS HE CAN'T SPELL

After the Battle of Dessert, a soldier gives birth to a pudding and struggles to raise it with no help from any spoons.

The night before the day after, a time traveler goes to the day after the night before, and discovers a calendar.

COUPLE CELEBRATES PASTEURIZED HONEYMOON.

To lose weight, a zombie eats only the brains of skinny people who love long sentences because it gives them a sense of living forever and ever and ever.

STUDY PROVES WEARING A BLINDFOLD GIVES NEW OUTLOOK ON LIFE

A man falls in love with a bathtub, and gives it a ring, while he struggles with society's views on mixed relationships.

GOD QUITS AS HEAD OF UNIVERSE AND ENDS UP IN A BLOG

TEN TIPS ON LIVING

Keep breathing.  Scientific studies have proven that life is better when you breathe.


Filing your socks in alphabetical order makes them easier to find.


Always obey the Law of Gravity.


Avoid plastic surgeons on hot days.  They melt.


Never eat meals while sleeping.


Keep away from nuclear explosions.


Wear clothes when in public, but remove clothing before showering or bathing.


Loose weight to save space.


Take action, but be sure to put it back.


Look in the mirror occasionally to make sure you're the same person.


Lie down when you die.


Learn to count.  (There are 9 tips in this blog.)