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garybjohnston.com

Not All About Intellectual Humor

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Why?"
"It was taking a break from working on its thesis, Eggs and Their Relation to the Unconscious."


"What do you call a brick with a high I.Q.?"
"What?"
"A brick."

"I hate apples!"

                             - Sir Isaac Newton

"Can you explain E=mc², Einstein's Theory of Relativity?"
"E=mc² means that you will use a lot of energy moving twice the speed of light trying to get out of your home after you hear that your relatives are going to visit and make a mass."


"You've heard of Jean Paul Sartre?"
"Yes, he wrote Being and Nothingness."
"Really?  What is it about?"
"Being and Nothingness is about living in outer space."


"Why did Archimedes shout, 'Eureka!  Eureka!' ?"
"Why?"
"He met a friend who never used deodorant."


"Did Werner Heisenberg have trouble making decisions?"
"We are not sure."


"If I could grant you one wish, then what would you wish for?"
"I'd wish I was as important as ratios in Trigonometry."


In the modern version of Sophocles' Oedipus Rex, Oedipus murders his mother and marries his father.


"Was there a real Joseph Campbell, or is he just a myth?"
"Yes, he existed.  He was a mister and not a myth."


"What do you get when you cross a bookworm with a rocket scientist?"
"What?"
"Something an early bird won't eat."


"Which came first, the chicken or the coward?"
"I dunno."
"The chicken came first.  The coward was afraid to cross the road."
"How can you include this joke in a blog not about intellectual humor?"
"Because it is not all about intellectual humor."

MY MANY LOVES

I have had many relationships and not all of them were with people . . . 

I once fell in love with a committee, and it is still trying to decide whether to return my love.

I once fell in love with a mountain that did not love me.  It took me a long time to get over it.

I was once in love with a street.  It broke up with me because I crossed it.

I once fell in love with a restraining order, but it forbade me from seeing it.

I once fell in love with anonymous sources, and never found out who they were.

I once had a relationship with humor, but you can see that it left me.