10 - It was hijacked by Lee Harvey Oswald who faked his death in November, 1963. Oswald plans to land it in Dealey Plaza to give people something else to talk about for a change.
9 - Shortly after takeoff, Flight 370 went grocery shopping. It's still stuck in the "Express Lane" of the store. The sign says, 8 Items or Less, but the jets ahead of Flight 370 have much more than 8 items and should not be in that lane.
8 - It went to a Zen meditation retreat to discover whether there's a sound if a plane crashes in a forest.
7 - It's at a laundromat in Pakistan not only doing its laundry, but also doing the laundry of the 12 crew members, 227 passengers, and a partridge in a Pakistani pear tree.
6 - It's online on Facebook. It meant to go on Facebook for an hour or so back on March 8, and may be off Facebook any century now.
5 - It was abducted by aliens who want to produce a hybrid race of grey aliens and Boeing 777's. The aliens will release Flight 370 as soon as they figure out how to make it pregnant.
4 - It's at a casino in Las Vegas feeding its gambling addiction. (What are the odds of that happening?)
3 - It took the crew and passengers to a theater in Germany to see The Neverending Story.
2 - Just after takeoff, it flew to Rancho Mirage, California and admitted itself to The Betty Ford Center. Flight 370 wants to cure its addiction to jet fuel.
1 - It's not missing. Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 is not missing. Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 never existed. We have been fooled. The whole story is an early April Fools' joke perpetrated by colorless green ideas sleeping furiously.
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