Not All About The Oscars

"Why did the Oscar cross the road?"
"Why?"
"Because it was on the back of the Best Chicken in The Vegetarian Movie."



"How many Oscars does it take to change a light bulb?"
"I dunno."
"None.  Their hands are glued to the sword."

(Go ahead and google "Cedric Gibbons."  This blog isn't going anywhere.)

"What do you call an Oscar that falls off the shelf?"

"What?"

"Broken."

"Why didn't the Oscar walk into a bar?"

"Why?"

"Because it couldn't figure out how to sit down with the sword stuck between its legs."

"What did one Oscar say to another?"

"I dunno."

"Nothing.  Oscars can't talk."

How could a movie called The Best Movie not win an Oscar?

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Oscar."

"Wow!  I never thought I would win . . .   I want to thank my agent for believing in me.  I want to thank the crew.  It's the best film crew ever!  And I want to thank the best director ever.  And I want to thank my partner.  And I want to thank the floor for all its support.  And I want to thank Gary Johnston for putting me in this blog.  And I want to thank--(music)

DISAPPOINTMENT AT THE OSCARS

The Academy Awards, how disappointing!  I was nominated for Best Idiot In My Life, but did not win.  It was supposed to be like a Lifetime Achievement Award, but they did not even mention me, or that I was the best idiot in my life.

I worked hard preparing to be the Best Idiot In My Life.  Days, months, years of making stupid mistakes and saying stupid things.  How nice it would have been to have the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences acknowledge all my hard work.

I had an my acceptance speech prepared.  After receiving the Oscar, and a standing ovation, I would have said, "Duh-um.  Thank you."  See?  Short and sweet.

I suppose a life in the arts is not about the rewards.  It is about The Process.  So even though they ignored me at The Oscars, I can say that I had fun being the Best Idiot In My Life.