Timeproof

10 Tips For A Long Life

1 - Keep away from cannibals.

2 - Don't drink hydrochloric acid.

3 - Get lots of yercise.  (Yercise is like exercise, but no one knows Y.)

4 - Never bring an electric heating pad into the bathtub.

5 - Picnics on parkways are a no-no.

6 - Eat occasionally.

7 - Take amateur as well as pro biotics.

8 - Don't fight in any wars.

9 - Add 10 years to your age every birthday.

10 - Disguise yourself so Death will not recognize you.

SCIENTISTS HAVE REPORTED . . .

Scientists have reported that most people between 90 and 900 years old are likely dead.

Studies have shown that one tablespoon of nothing once a day will not affect you in any way.

Scientists have reported that getting caught in a vortex is not likely to happen when you flush your toilet.

Research shows that accidents happen when people least expect them.

Scientists have shown that chronic pain may often cause you sleepless nights.

Doctors claim that people allergic to allergy remedies are screwed.

Scientists claim that prophets with big bums are Ass-Ended Masters.  

Four out of five doctors say that death will cure most diseases.

Some scientists say that hypnotism can make you sleepy.

Research shows that if you are happy and healthy, then you are healthy and happy.

Scientists have reported that funny bone technicians are a trusted source of natural nonsense.