IT'S IN THE STARS: HOROSCOPES YOU WILL NOT READ ANYWHERE ELSE

Aries (Mar 21 - April 19)

Communication will be most successful if you talk using words.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You will feel better today if you keep breathing. 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20) 

You could be challenged by an asteroid crashing into your home.  Don't allow this to ruin your day.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

A loved one may be successful at killing you today.  Don't make any long-term plans.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Take a bath this morning, but make sure you put it back.  It is too heavy to carry around with you all day.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22) 

Today is not a good day to talk to walls.  Save your wall-talking for another day.

 

Libra (September 23 - October 22) 

A brain injury may undermine your thinking.  Don't give up. 

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

A misunderstanding with a fire-breathing dragon could get you 

scorched today.  Wear your best asbestos suit.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Get out of the way if you see a truck driving at you.  If you don't, then it may be six months before you are able to read your horoscope again.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Turn off your mind today and watch other peoples' puzzled expressions as they try to talk to you.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) 

You might be in the mood to run around naked on a busy street.  Hold back.  Save it for a warmer day.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Take advantage of your ability to see through glass today.