Jobs I Would Love To Have

I would love to have a job that . . . 

- Paid me to eat bananas;

- Paid me to breathe;

- Paid me to sleep;

- Paid me to smile at strangers;

- Paid me to give anal probes to aliens;

- Paid me to clutter closets;

- Paid me to buy stuff I could keep;

- Paid me every time I went to the bathroom;

- Paid me to read books;

and finally,

I would love to have a job that paid me to stare out a window while I thought about jobs I would love to have.